First
by taylor8059
Summary: A collection of firsts. Jily smut.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is not my first time writing fanfiction, but _is_ my first time posting it anywhere, so any reviews/comments would be appreciated :) I've never liked the idea that Lily and James are already very sexually experienced by the time they get together (because to me sleeping around at age 15-16 seems a little unrealistic), so this fic was basically inspired by the idea that neither of them have any experience at all and they discover things together. It starts in the middle of their 7th year.**

 **WARNING: Smut ahead. Fluffy, romantic, awkward smut, but smut all the same. So if that's not your thing, don't read past the first chapter.**

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Lily was standing by the fire when James finally entered the common room, her cloak discarded on the back of the sofa and her hands extended over the flames for warmth. She had removed her hat, her hair cascading around her shoulders in a mess of bright curls, and when she turned to face James her cheeks were flushed from the cold.

"No mates marauding about our common room tonight?" she asked, a sparkle in her eye and a teasing smile on her face.

James smiled back and noted absently how beautiful she looked, before he caught himself and remembered that he wasn't supposed to think like that anymore. "Nope," he said. "Figured you've probably had enough of that lot lazing about."

"You do realize you're included in 'that lot', as you call them?" she said. "And I can't get rid of you." She kept her tone light to let him know that she was joking as he discarded his own cloak and joined her by the fire, but her expression turned serious as he approached. She gazed into the flames, her eyes far away, and added in a low voice, "And it's fine, you know, your mates hanging out here. I really don't mind the company."

James glanced sharply at her, but her face betrayed nothing. He hesitated for a moment, unsure if she expected him to say something, but eventually he screwed up his courage. "Lily," he said slowly, watching her face carefully. "Are you… doing alright?"

She turned to face him and he saw to his dismay that her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it," he said hastily. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Lily looked at him for a long moment, her eyes locking onto his. She nodded shakily and James gave her a weak smile. "Well, you know the lads and I are here if you need anything, right?" She was facing the fire again and James couldn't read her expression, but he thought maybe the tears had disappeared from her eyes when she took a deep breath and spoke quietly.

"I don't think I've thanked you yet," she said, eyes lost in the distance, staring at something James couldn't see. After a long pause, she turned to face him, taking a step closer. "I know Marlene and Alice asked you to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays for me, so that I wouldn't be alone and I just… I hope you know I'm grateful."

James opened his mouth (although he had no idea what to say), but before he could put a sentence together she had stepped forward and was hugging him, her arms clinging tightly to his waist. Tentatively, he reached out and wrapped his own arms around her small frame, inhaling her scent as she buried her face in his neck.

James' heart was racing, his thoughts scattered as he breathed in the smell and the feeling of holding Lily in his arms. His emotions were all over the place; he hadn't expected this at all, hadn't thought about it in what seemed like ages. He had been so focused on trying to rid her eyes of that sad, vulnerable look that it had been the last thing on his mind. But now that she was there, in his arms, and this was happening like he had dreamed of so often in the last few years, all of the nervous butterflies and feelings he had been pushing down since her parents died came surging back to the surface.

James took a deep breath, nervous all of a sudden but not sure why. It was just a hug between friends, he reasoned to himself. Nothing more. _Why did it feel like so much more?_

He cut himself off before he could go any further down that road. Lily needed a friend right now, so that was what he would be.

A moment later, Lily pulled back a little to look at him, remaining within the circle of his arms. She closed her eyes for a moment, and James would have given anything to know what was going through her head. "I think I'm going to head to bed now," she said quietly.

"All right," James answered in the same tone. "Goodnight Lily. Let me know if you need anything."

Lily smiled and, before James knew what was happening, she leaned in towards him. Her lips brushed against his briefly, soft and tentative, but she pulled back after a few seconds, a red flush creeping up her neck.

James was frozen. He had barely reacted to the touch of her lips, too stunned to do anything but try to process that _that had actually happened_. The realization had just begun to sink in (Lily Evans had kissed him!) and an ecstatic grin had made its way across his face when Lily, eyes downcast and wearing a hesitant smile of her own, whispered a quick "Goodnight James" and slipped away.

Still immobile in front of the fireplace, lips tingling and heart only just remembering how to beat normally again, James started at the sound of Lily's bedroom door snapping shut. He took a few useless steps in that direction, but, realizing the moment was gone, was left to collapse on the sofa, running a hand through his hair, wondering what in Merlin's name had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily let out a shaky sigh as she reclined her head across the back of the sofa. It was Friday night, and the week had been long indeed. The castle had once again filled with students, spirits high after a two week break, and the normal routine of classes and homework and meals with her mates had resumed as though nothing had changed.

It had been almost a week since she had kissed James.

She still didn't know what had possessed her to do it. The moment she had closed her bedroom door that night she had collapsed against it, shaking, her heart pounding at a hundred times its normal rate. She knew that she had no reason to be so nervous; she had accepted months ago that she liked him, was maybe even falling in love with him, and from what she could see he felt the same, but apparently no one had informed her poor nerves of this fact.

Now her heart was pounding again, and again it was because of the boy with the messy dark hair and piercing eyes. It was because, for the first time that week, she was sitting on the sofa in their common room, where she knew he would find her.

It wasn't that she had been avoiding him exactly. She hadn't. She had just been… busy. And so had he. That was why they hadn't found themselves alone together since the previous weekend. She _hadn't_ been avoiding him.

The sound of footsteps echoed outside the portrait hole and, before Lily had even processed what she was doing, she found herself across the room and through the door to her bedroom. She hesitated a moment at the threshold, leaving the door open a tiny crack so that she could see through it.

James entered the common room ( _because of course it was James_ ), shoulders hunched, head bowed, glancing up only briefly to ascertain that the room was indeed empty. Lily couldn't believe how tired he looked as he trudged over to sit heavily on the sofa, running a habitual hand through his hair. She drew back from the door quietly, collapsing on her bed, an uncomfortable churning in her gut.

She knew that she would have to face him eventually, would have to explain her actions, but if she was completely honest with herself she had no idea what had been going through her own head. Even days later, the thought of that fleeting moment of contact between their lips gave her butterflies in her stomach — a not entirely unpleasant feeling— but she still couldn't quite shake the lingering embarrassment. It wasn't like her to be so forward.

A soft knock on the door pulled Lily from her thoughts, and she pushed herself up into a sitting position against the headboard. "Yes?" she said, clasping her hands together to keep them from trembling.

The door opened a bit wider and James poked his head in, taking in the room in one sweeping glance. They had been alone in her room before, had sat on the bed for hours working and talking and laughing without her ever giving it a second thought. Now, the tension was so thick it felt almost tangible, hanging heavily in the air.

Or so it seemed to her at least. James didn't seem the least bit bothered.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Do you mind if I come in for a bit?" James asked. "If you're too tired that's alright, I know you've had a busy week, but I've kind of been wanting to talk to you."

Lily nodded jerkily, patting the bed beside her, not entirely trusting herself to speak through her jumble of nerves. She felt the bed sink as James settled himself beside her, leaning back a little and bracing a hand on the mattress between them.

There was a moment of silence, and Lily stared determinedly at the floor, glancing up every now and then to find James looking at her intently. Finally, he spoke.

"I'm really sorry Lily."

Her head jerked up, searching his face, meeting James' eye but finding no answers there. That had _not_ been what she had expected him to say, and she opened her mouth to tell him as much and demand what in Merlin's name he had to be sorry for, but he continued before she had the chance.

"You've been so distant this week, and I realize that it's probably because I upset you by bringing up your parents, and I'm so, so sorry for doing it again but I just wanted to apologize and make sure you're okay. I should never have brought it up if you weren't ready to talk about it."

James took a deep breath when he was finished, scrutinizing Lily intently for her reaction. It took her a few tries to form words, shocked as she was by the turn the conversation had taken, but even through the guilt she was feeling that he had completely misinterpreted her actions, her heart couldn't help but melt a little at his concern.

"James…" she began, not quite sure how to put her thoughts into words. "I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't— I mean, you didn't upset me. I meant what I said before, I'm… maybe not entirely fine yet but I'm getting there. And you and Marlene and Alice and your mates are a big part of that."

James visibly relaxed at her words, leaning forwards a bit and tentatively laying a hand on her shoulder. "Well, you know I'm here," he said, leaving the sentence unfinished, but Lily caught his meaning and smiled, hesitantly laying her head to rest on his shoulder. Slowly, James moved her hand, making his way across the small of her back to grip her side and pull her closer. All traces of nerves gone in the face of James' comforting warmth, Lily sighed contently, closing her eyes in the comfortable silence that enveloped them.

After what seemed like a long while, but was probably only a few minutes, Lily felt James shift against the headboard, and his hand, which had drifted down near his waist, returned to grip her side firmly. She could feel his soft hair brushing against her temple and she knew that he must be looking at her, but she refused to move her head from its place on his shoulder to meet his eye.

"You surprised me the other day with that kiss," James' voice was quiet, but the sound still came as a shock in the heavy silence, the words sending a thrill up her spine before she had even processed them. She felt the heat rising in her cheeks as he pulled away a few inches, forcing her to look up and meet his eyes.

"I surprised myself too," Lily said with a shaky laugh, unaware of thinking the words before she spoke them, just knowing that she had to say _something_. And it was the truth.

James waited a moment, obviously expecting her to continue, but her nerves were shot and her face was flushed and her thoughts were far too scattered to be shaped into anything coherent. Obviously realizing this, he spoke again.

"I don't know if you knew this, but that was my first kiss."

Lily brought a hand to her mouth, breathing in sharply. She had seen him on a fair number of dates in Hogsmeade, and he had always been so popular, so admired by the female population of Hogwarts that she hadn't even considered the idea. _What if she had completely ruined it for him?_ "I didn't realize," she said.

James was staring at her again, scrutinizing her face as though it held the answers to all of his questions. She kept her eyes trained on the space between them, trying to focus on the individual threads that made up her blanket to distract herself from the roiling in her stomach.

"It wasn't— that is, I assume that it wasn't yours?"

Lily grimaced, remembering the sun-drenched garden in Hogsmeade, the uncomfortable feeling of strange lips on her own, pale in comparison to the momentary softness and warmth of James.

He seemed to interpret her expression without her needing to answer. "Davies?" he asked. "I saw you two in Hogsmeade last year…"

Lily nodded. "But it wasn't— I mean…" A pause. "I'd rather think that you were my first."

She dared a glance up at James to find his eyebrows shooting up, and he briefly closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "Okay," he said. "I— really?" Lily nodded again.

"Okay." He grinned a little, leaning back against the headboard, his hand seeking hers almost as though of its own accord. Lily did her best to ignore her racing heart as he tentatively entwined their fingers and leaned back to rest her head on James' shoulder again. She was… on edge, as though her body knew the importance of this conversation, even though her mind seemed to be moving at a snail's pace.

"I wasn't sure, you know," James said. "What you meant by it, that is. I've spent all week overthinking it, wondering what was going through your mind," Lily could feel the vibrations of his chest as he spoke, and it was almost enough to relax her. "I was so shocked I know I didn't really… um… reciprocate much, but I didn't know if it was supposed to be platonic or…" James let the sentence hang.

"I—" Lily didn't know what to say. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, to apologize for running away, but all she managed to get out was, "That's okay."

Silence fell and Lily closed her eyes, allowing herself to marvel at the feeling of James' fingers tangled with hers. She knew that she should say something, that this was the perfect opportunity to tell James about the realization she had had all those months ago, but he was just so warm and everything was so _comfortable_. She knew that she liked him and suspected that he liked her just as much, but _Merlin_ the thought of telling him was terrifying. How did one even go about starting that conversation? So she just snuggled a little closer, letting out a little sigh when she felt him run a slow hand through her hair.

Eventually James stirred beneath her, pulling away again so that Lily had to look at him. And even though upon doing so she felt her cheeks flush and her stomach tingle and her hands shake, it somehow came as no surprise to her when she tilted her head up to see him and found his lips waiting.

This kiss was soft and slow, as opposed to the hurried pressure of the first one. James' lips were warm, his movements a little uncertain, and Lily gave his hand a squeeze. She thought her heart might explode with happiness, even when he pulled away all too soon to grin nervously at her.

She let out a shaky breath, an identical grin on her own face. From this close she could make out the individual flecks of brown and green in his eyes, almost obscured by the inky black of his pupils. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling James' breath on her face as he let out a laugh, then opened them again and pulled his lips back to hers.

Snogging James was intoxicating, Lily quickly decided. Their movements were hesitant at first, both of them shy from inexperience, but James' confidence grew in no time and he released her hands to wrap both of his arms around her waist, pulling her close. His lips devoured hers, sucking gently, his tongue sweeping along her own. She let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a sigh, threading her fingers through his messy hair like she had dreamed of doing for months, and felt him smile against her lips.

Somehow they had slid down on the bed; instead of sitting against the headboard they were now lying among Lily's pillows, their legs tangled together. She noticed a blush bloom on James' face as her hips brushed against his, revealing just how much he was enjoying this, but she distracted him with another kiss. She forgot all about it in any case as James' tongue found its way into her mouth and his hands slipped under her shirt at the small of her back, setting fire to her skin. She kissed him back eagerly, fiercely, pulling him closer and letting out a little gasp of surprise when he rolled on top of her, his weight pinning her to the bed.

By some unspoken agreement they pulled apart, both flushed and panting and smiling uncontrollably. James rested his forehead on Lily's, planting a soft kiss on the tip of her nose, and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I never thought I'd be able to tell you this," he whispered. "But I reckon I'm in love with you."

Lily felt her cheeks warm, her eyes darting every which way. She suddenly didn't know what to do with her hands, where to look, how to feel. Meeting James' eye set off a cascade of emotions that she didn't have time to sort through, but of course there was no other place to look _but_ at James, the way he was laying on top of her.

Not that she wanted him to move any time soon.

She closed her eyes for a moment, unable to stop a smile from creeping across her face, and said, unsure if it was true but not knowing what else to call the overwhelming happiness she was feeling, "I think I might love you too."

The smile that split James' face was blinding, and he leaned down to kiss her again. Lily's mind reeled as she wrapped her arms more tightly around him, slipping a hand under his shirt to explore his bare back, still hardly able to believe that this was happening. She lost herself in James' kisses, laughing when he abandoned her mouth to plant sweet pecks on her nose, her eyelids, her forehead. Her laugh turned into a soft moan when he moved his lips to her neck, sucking gently.

His hands roamed across her waist, her back, her sides, setting her skin on fire with every touch. Leaving one hand to explore her back, he brought the other up to caress her face, gently running his fingers along her lips, her eyelids, her cheek. He caught her gaze and held it as his hand traveled downward to touch her neck, her collarbone, and even lower.

James paused, his eyes still locked on hers, his hand cupping her breast so lightly that she could barely feel it through the fabric of her shirt. "Is this okay?" he asked breathlessly.

Lily nodded mutely, her heart pounding, though she didn't know why she was so nervous. James smiled at her, obviously just as nervous as she was. "You'll tell me if I do anything you aren't comfortable with?" he asked.

She nodded again, barely breathing as James' hand massaged first one breast, then the other. He kept his eyes locked on hers, alert, it seemed, for any discomfort on her part, so she smiled at him and pulled him down for a kiss.

That seemed to spur his confidence, and his hand moved downward to slip under her shirt at the small of her back, the fingers of his other hand tangling in her hair. Slowly, the hand touching her skin moved to her stomach, then inched higher, giving her no doubt about his intentions but allowing her the time to refuse. She did no such thing, however, and arched into his touch, letting out a breathless gasp when his hand finally reached its destination.

James broke away from her lips to grin uncertainly at her and Lily ran a distracted hand through his hair. All she could think about was how _good_ it felt to have him touching her, even through the material of her bra.

James noticed. "You like it when I do that?" he asked, his voice quiet. Lily felt her cheeks redden, a ridiculously delayed reaction when she considered where James' hand was currently resting, but she nodded and was rewarded with another smile and he leaned down to kiss her again.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was maybe half an hour, James rolled off Lily to lay on his back beside her. She let out a little sigh at the sudden absence of his weight, and her hand sought his across he covers as she looked over at him questioningly.

His eyes were closed, but he seemed to sense her gaze on him. "Sorry," he said, sounding a little out of breath, turning his head to look at her. She was surprised to see that he was blushing furiously. "It's just, if we don't stop now I… er… I don't think I'll be able to—" Lily stared at him blankly for a few moments, unused to seeing him stutter, but then she understood what he was trying to tell her and the colour of her cheeks changed to match his, the temperature of the room seeming to skyrocket.

"That's okay," Lily cut in, hoping that she didn't look as embarrassed as she felt. "It's… er… it's fine."

James laughed shakily, shifting onto his side to face her. "I can't believe that happened," he said, his wonder showing plain on his face. "I can't believe I just _did_ that."

Lily let out a happy sigh of her own, leaning closer for a quick kiss. "Me too," she said. "I can't believe I just _let_ you."

"You're okay with this though? With everything that just happened? I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to take advantage of you, like this is just some silly, physical thing because it's not, I've been in love with you for over a year and I just—"

Lily smiled. "Relax, James," she said. "I'm more than okay."

James let out a big breath and smiled at her, pulling her closer for a hug. With her face still buried in his neck, he said, "So does this mean you'll be my girlfriend now?"

The question was posed so quietly that Lily barely heard it, almost as though, despite everything that had just happened, James was still afraid of rejection. She couldn't blame him really, not after all of the time she had spent doing just that in fifth year, but she drew back to look him in the eye all the same when she gave her answer.

"I would love to, James."

She kissed him before he could say anything back, but not before she caught the look of disbelief and pure joy on his face. She smiled against his lips and snuggled closer, thinking to herself that she'd like to make him smile like that more often.


End file.
